Sunday, December 09, 2007

I (used to) crack me up

Towards the end of the annual Happy Holidays card signing marathon, I was handed one addressed to our family optometrist. That was an opportunity that I just couldn't resist. She will be receiving a card signed:

20/20 D A V E
20/15 G A M B L E


Update: Pointed out in the comments is that they've probably seen this little joke many, many times before, which now that I think about it, is probably true. That got me to wondering if any of my other little bon mots are cliched and overworked.

For example, it is my habit when asked for a phone number at a retail establishment by a female employee to give her the number (I've long since gotten over my rebellious refusal to give it to them) but tell her "not to call after 9:30 because my wife is home by then." So, is the reason that they never laugh at that 1) it's not funny, 2) they don't get it, or 3) they've heard it so many times before that I'm lucky not to get punched in the nose?

To my credit, at least I've stopped responding to the server at a restaurant asking me "if I want a box for that" with "no, but I'll wrestle you for it," albeit not because it's trite, but because one of them actually took me up on the offer once.

I think I'm still safely unique in referring to Sams Club as IBC (Impulse Buy Central) and/or WFPWJ (Wal-Mart For People With Jobs), but those too are wearing thin with friends and family.

I think I need new banter!


  1. I think it's real funny too... but I can't help wondering if the optometrist has seen it a hundred times before. As a photographer, I hear the exact same handful of jokes everywhere I go, every day. "wide angle lens (fat), break the camera (ugly), gonna go blind (flash is so bright)". David Sedaris mentioned this phenomenon in his piece about being an elf at the Macy's Santa Claus place. For instance, some huge percentage of adults who came in said something about them "breaking Santa's lap" or something. A friend of mine once got in line to get VP Nelson Rockefeller's autograph. When he got up there he presented the VP with a check and asked him to sign it... Rockefeller laughed and signed it "Rocky" on the signature line. My friend was extremely pleased with his own originality until a few weeks later, Dick Cavett commented on his show (during a conversation about autograph seekers) that "there's always one clown who asks you to sign a check". Are there any jokes about your line of work that you hear a lot? I'm trying to think of what I might say... "woops, I just pulled the plug on this server rack" maybe.

  2. Yes, actually, there is one that just drives me nuts. Every now and then, I have to sit at someone else's desk to work on their PC. Invariably, every single person that walks by will say something like "Oh, Susan, you've changed your hair!" or "You're really showing, when are you due?" (I really hate that 2nd one.)

    Lately I've taken to telling them what position they came in for that day: "Ah, you're the fourth to say that today. Congratulations on your originality!"

  3. Hey...I think some of those are pretty funny. The restaurant one and the phone call after 9:30 one especially. I'm going to have to try those out, I think.

    But then I often like humor that is a little inappropriate. Not a lot inappropriate, but a little...just enough to make everyone a squirm a little.

  4. "Wrestle you for it". I've never heard that... gave me a laugh. I think this would be a good idea for a magazine article... what jokes about your profession have you heard a million times.